this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
