The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
