5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
