Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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