I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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