I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
