Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
