if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
