you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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