Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
