census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
