i already hear my dad disowning me
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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