Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
