Jerry, you need to find god
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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