Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
