just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
