just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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