i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Randomize
