my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
