If that was your dad, he is hot
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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