He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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