I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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