Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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