So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
