Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
