even my farts smell like vagina
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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