I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
