we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
it's like heaven, but drunker
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
