I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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