I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
We need to rekindle our bromance
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
