I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
