He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
me + whiskey = a bad person
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
