who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
