Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
