fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
