I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
