accomplished twins. life is a go
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
