Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
