Me too!
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
