I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
