***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
