his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
