I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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