sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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