Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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