everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
