You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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