We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
