me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
