If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
