honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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