where does the pee come out of this thing
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
