I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Randomize
