God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
