You just made me feel so damn special
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
pray to the hookup gods
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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