who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
