mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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