Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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