ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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