Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
