And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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