his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
