The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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