there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
